I am 38 years old and 32 weeks pregnant with baby number three. This week it is all about love as well as being beaten up inside.
The finish line is now in sight and I am excited as well as a little melancholy about reaching the end of this pregnancy. The sadness comes from the realisation that this will be my last pregnancy, the chapter is closing and it is unnerving. The instinctive and powerful urge to be a mother has been a large part of my life in my thirties and coming to terms with letting it go will take some adjustment. What I must remember to do is take more photographs of my bump before it is gone – something I have failed miserably to do with each previous pregnancy.
The slightly sad and pensive moments I am having this week only make up a tiny fraction of my over all emotional state. The rest of my thoughts are of excitement! I can not wait to experience all the ‘firsts’ again. Holding her for the first time, feeding her for the first time, sniffing her head for the first time, sleeping with her for the first time, changing her for the first time – the list is endless. Having a baby is such a privilege and I am utterly thrilled by the prospect.
I am not the only one to be thoroughly loved up by our baby. My 5 year old is besotted with his little sister already. He spends every spare minute stroking my belly and talking to her via my belly-button. She wiggles and jiggles in reply which makes him light up with happiness. I am confident that they have already built up a strong bond which is adorable. My 10 year old calms her down when she is practicing her trampolining skills ( she is the most active I have experienced). I have a funny feeling that she will only be soothed by the voices of her two big brothers when she finally makes her entrance but that is perfectly okay with me.
How I am Feeling.
Large, immobile and tired mainly. My hair is lank which is rather annoying and my skin is not entirely living up to the fabled pregnancy glow but at least my rosacea is calmer. Leaky breasts, crampy legs, achy back, pelvic pain and insomnia are all present but given it is my last pregnancy I am trying to savour every symptom. I want to remember it all.
Everyone is waiting. My husband is busy with work so he isn’t around to see much of the alienesque tummy movements which is a shame. Like everyone else I think he is just looking forward to being able to hold her. They don’t have long to wait.
The summer time has taken over. They have spent most of the time playing with friends which is exactly how it should be when the elusive English sun is shining. Home education resumes at a normal pace when some of their friends return to school.
The great pram, sling, bedding and nappy hunt begins now. Any suggestions are welcome!